Friday, June 3, 2011. I followed Evan's (Mr. Dating Coach) advice about contacting men. Try to be funny. It's just as oogey to men when women say, "You're really cute. Wanna chat." Saying that you like their profile is redundant because if you didn't like their profile you wouldn't be emailing them.
I'm trying, Evan. Damn it, I trying.
Here is my exact email: His profile is in blue and my response is in red.
Headline: My new favorite word is "REALLY!!"
If you're usually late to everything, you're not for me. I hate being late and hate when it happens but when it does try to take it in stride. It never fails that traffic is backed up when I'm trying to get home to get somewhere fun.
If alcohol is a normal part of your life style, you're not for me. I'd be as big as a house if it was. I like to have a drink but I'm too old to be drunk. It hurts too much the next day.
If you wouldn't date a guy who lives in a trailer, you're not for me. (I don't, but I would live in a trailer) Do I have to live in trailer? I could see where it would be okay next to a beach and no kids lived in it with me. Maybe not in hurricane season.
If you don't have a job or can't get one, you're not for me. All set here. I'm very dependable at my job. Even on snow days and 20 mile commute.
If you take more than 40min. to get ready for anything, you're not for me. 25 minutes if I don't have to shower. Closer to 40 if I do but I'm pretty quick for a girl.
If you don't like kids, you're not for me. I have two monsters of my own. I love watching them develop their relationship. It's very sweet.
If you don't like sports, you're not for me. Professional Football is my favorite but my boys play soccer which is good, too. I'm a nail biter when watching. I also love hockey but hate when the refs don't let them fight.
If you don't like the lake, you're not for me. As long as the weather is warm! Any water source is good in my book.
If you used to smoke and quit, you're probably not for me (I don't want to worry about you starting again) I tried to be a smoker when I was 15. Didn't have what it takes.
If you think you're always right, you're not for me. I've gotten very good at saying, "I was wrong!"
If you refuse to eat at fast food resturants, you're not for me. Chicfila? Taco Bell? Schlotzky's? But I think I've become a burger snob! (ps. that's his typo not mine in resturants.)
If my house is cleaner than your house, you're not for me. How clean is your house? I don't live in a hoarders house or anything but there are days I feel like I can't keep up! Maids! That's the answer.
If you can't be spontaneous, you're not for me. I'm a horrible planner. I get it from my mother.
BUT--
If you're gorgeous and kind, send me a message. I can claim kind with confidence. And kind of goofy once you get to know me. And while I don't think I'm chopped liver in the looks department, gorgeous is subjective to the viewer.
If grilling in the backyard on a summer afternoon sounds good to you, send me a message. It's my favorite place. What are you grilling?
If you can handle company coming over last minute, send me a message. As in you being company or friends coming over for company? This is a trick question, I think. I wish more friends would just drop by like in the good old days.
If you don't like fighting, send me a message. I'm horrible at confict. I hate debate. There just isn't that much worth fighting about- REALLY!
If you understand that I will forget some significant dates and won't hold it against me, send me a message. They have these new fangled phones where you can program dates in and the phone will remind you!
***********
Baggage and drama are not my favorite items to deal with, but at this age and stage in life, not many of us are going to be baggage and drama free. I prefer to deal with it on an "as needed" basis and try not to let it control my life. I try to limit my baggage to an overnight bag and not the steamer trunk.
I am not into instant commitments, but I don't mind getting together and see where it goes. I have realized that I will never know someone over one date and they will not know me either. If friendships can be built, the rest will follow or not. :)
Now- after responding to all of that I can't help wonder if a positive spin would be better:
If you're on time, you're for me. If you're spontaneous, you're for me.... what do you think?
Happy Friday, Mr Unbelievable.
Unbelievable is in his profile name.
Are you bored yet? Do you want to read his response?
Well, here it is:
Thanks for the email and response. Your a pretty good sport and it was thoughtful of you to answer every question. Thank you.
I cancelled my membership, but it was paid up for a few months so I decided to change my profile story to a more flip-ed style for the heck of it. I wanted to see what would happen and I really didn't care if anyone liked it or not and I really didn't expect any positive responses. I have been surprised at how many people respond to it.
Anyway, your a good distance away but thanks again for checking in with me.
Good luck to you
Evan? Evan? Evan!! I know, Evan. Evan says, "So what! He's not the one for you." Well, I know that's what Evan would say if I had $3,000 for him to be my dating coach which I don't so I have to just make Evan up myself.
Here's a clue men. If you are not really looking but you paid for your membership they have this wonderful button called HIDE YOUR FRENCHING PROFILE and then sweet, funny girls like me won't waste their time emailing you!
Sigh.
I wanted to email Mr. Unbelievable back and yell him but I chose this response instead:
wha, wha, wha! :) I can't help but wonder if your new favorite word is because women email it back to you. Ha.
Thanks for the email back. This makes great content for my dating blog!
Good luck to you, too.
And that, my friends, is Reason #1 why online dating is frustrating.
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