I want to share the email that I received today from Evan. And, I only receive it because I'm on his mailing list. I have purchased the Why He Disappeared Online and I did have his team help me with my profile but these free emails seem to show up just when I need them.
You ever have a friend who worries you a little bit? (Hope, here. I'm probably that friend for some of you reading this. Sorry! I'm working on it.)
You care about her deeply but you can’t help but question her decision-making.
You’ve stuck by her for years, through ups and downs, and have done everything in your power to ensure that she’s happy.
When she got into a big fight with her boss, you supported her, even though you weren’t sure she was entirely right.
When she got herself in trouble after having unprotected sex, you supported her, even though she was clearly drunk and irresponsible.
When she chose a guy who was, objectively, a jackass, you supported her, because you’re her close friend, and that’s what friends do.
But isn’t it hard to sit there and watch her make these mistakes?
Don’t you just want to tell her:
“Choose a career that makes you happy! Surround yourself by good people who love and nurture you! Don’t get so anxious every time something goes wrong! It’ll be okay, I promise.”
Yet, you don’t say that. And for your friend, it seems things are never okay.
Still, you continually find new ways help her to change her ways – and do so with compassion. It’s no easy trick, is it?
Yeah, that’s what it’s like to be me.
For 4-5 hours every day, I try to find new ways to break through to my clients. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I fail.
Almost always, I get some form of irrational pushback.
Irrational pushback means that you don’t want the results you’re getting, but you don’t want to change either. Irrational pushback is something like:
“I want to lose 30lbs, but I don’t want to diet or go to the gym.”
OR
“I want to become an Olympic swimmer, but I don’t like getting wet.”
This is why I have a job.
If you’re frustrated with men, fed up with online dating, despondent at your prospects and can’t see how YOU can possibly be responsible for your own fate…
We really need to talk.
You may be a great friend who perpetually watches her friend make mistakes, but if YOU’VE never figured out what YOU’RE doing wrong, something has to change.
Click here to learn more about how having a coach who calls you out on your blind spots is the ONLY thing that will get you unstuck.
And keep reading to learn about your biggest blind spot – and how changing your behavior can instantly open up a whole world of possibilities...
Dear Hope,
I have two lovely clients right now who are driving me crazy. (I would probably be one of these clients. If I could afford to hire a dating coach.)
I want to help them so bad, but they’re giving me the irrational pushback.
Janelle is 40, a teacher with a creative bent. Before she came to me, she was sleeping with a man for four months and she fell really hard for him.
The only problem was: he wasn’t falling for her.
The second she brought up the idea of a commitment, he freaked out, bailed, and hasn’t spoken to her since. That was three months ago.
Janelle is still trying to figure out what she did wrong and how to get him back. (No! Janelle! Who cares! He's not the one for you! See. I listen, Evan.)
Sigh.
Liz, 45, bright and nature-loving, had very little dating experience following the end of her 25-year relationship. Which makes it no surprise that she quickly fell for a man soon after her divorce.
She, too, has been sleeping with her guy about once a week. He hasn’t called her his girlfriend, integrated her into his life, said he loved her, or escalated the intensity of their relationship in the past four months.
Every week, I get on the phone with Liz, listening to her tell me how it tears her up emotionally that her booty call has no interest in stepping things up.
Every week, I get on the phone with Janelle, listening to her lament the loss of the emotionally stunted man who disappeared without a trace three months ago.
Neither is willing to get rid of the wrong man, so neither will find the right man.
This isn’t my OPINION. This is a FACT.
Every second Liz and Janelle invest into holding onto the “potential” of these commitmentphobic guys is a second that they’re NOT out finding the man who DOES want to commit.
Tape that to your mirror, okay? (I got it, Evan! I got it! I will not waste one emotional inkling on a man that does not want to commit to me. I'm such a pro at this dating thing!)
If you’re looking for a long-term committed relationship, it doesn’t matter how cute he is, how smart he is, how funny he is, how rich he is, or how great the sex is. (Amen!)
Literally ANY random guy on Match.com is a better bet than a man who has made it clear that he does NOT want to marry you.
Wrap your head around that for a second.
Even if you’ve got a 1 in 20 chance with some dude on Match, that’s still HIGHER than the odds of the man who texts you once a week becoming your husband.
Those odds are ZERO, my friend. (Odds. Math. Not really my strong point, Evan. Let's draw a picture. :))
A man who wants to be your boyfriend calls you every day, makes plans regularly, calls you his girlfriend, introduces you to his friends, talks about a future, etc.
If he’s not doing it, you’re wasting your precious time, Hope.
“But wait”, you say, “It’s too early. Don’t men need time to decide if they want to be your boyfriend?”
Yes. Yes, they do. So let’s figure out how long it usually takes, okay?
Think back to your five most recent boyfriends (who weren’t already friends before you started dating). (Uh, darling. I will have to go really far back to get 5! There was Colorado Steve though I'm not really sure I can call him a boyfriend, Darts, Utah, my exhusband- wait- I was friends with both Utah and my ex before we started dating. NO wonder I suck at this!)
How long did it take for those new men to declare their interest in a committed relationship with you? One date? One week? One month? Two months, tops? (Evan, it took 5 years for exhusband to decide to marry me and that was with coersion which I don't recommend. We are divorced afterall.)
I’m betting it was sooner, not later.
Generally between a week and a month, from my experience.
So if you’re with a guy who hasn’t stepped up to the plate yet, you know what?
He’s not going to.
He’s using you until he finds someone he likes better.
He’s getting his rocks off without commitment because you allow him to.
And now it’s time for you to cut him loose.
“Hey, Brad… It’s been fun getting to know you, but I’m not looking for a casual relationship, I’m looking for a boyfriend. And after two months of seeing you once a week, it’s clear to me we want different things. You seem like a great guy; I wish you the best of luck in finding the right girl. No hard feelings, but you can lose my number. Take care.”
That’s it.
You can literally do this with your waste-of-time guy when you finish reading this.
Because, honestly, I can’t take any more tales like this from women I care about:
Just this week, my client, Sheri, told me that she’s falling for a man who’s been divorced SIX times and is readily shopping for Wife #7. (And I thought three was bad!)
What am I supposed to say to her when she’s intoxicated with his looks, intelligence and charisma? Here’s what I came up with:
“If I told you that I had a financial advisor who went bankrupt six times, would you give him all of your retirement funds to invest?”
Laugh if you want.
Sheri did. Yet she’s still seeing her charming, chapel-hopping paramour.
And so, Hope, I’m going to tell you what your once a week guy and best friend won’t tell you – once and for all.
Some guys can’t make anybody happy. (And no one is going to change that.)
It doesn’t matter if you have a great connection or he is an amazing person.
All that matters is whether he’s declared himself your boyfriend in the first 6 weeks.
If not, it’s nobody’s fault but your own if he breaks your heart six months later.
And this time, you can’t say you didn’t see it coming.
Are you still stuck on a guy from the past? (not anymore!)
Are you still seeing a guy who won’t commit? (nope.)
Check out Why He Disappeared and break those chains forever.
Every second you’re hung up on the wrong guy is a second you’re not looking for the right one.
And don’t you think you deserve a guy who WANTS to be with you?
Yeah, I do, too.
Click here to learn more.
Warmest wishes and much love,
Your friend, Evan
The man speaks the truth. Go over to Evan's website today and browse around. That's http://www.evanmarckatz.com/.
No comments:
Post a Comment