It was day 69 and Dulce de TubaDad and I had just spent a wonderful weekend together. But that afternoon I set out for a week long painting workshop that I had signed up for in February. It was something I had been looking forward to since then. And though I was excited, I also felt a bit melancholy leaving the loves of my life.
The two reasons that I get up everyday for the past (almost) 11 years were starting back to school and I was going to miss their first week. What kind of mother misses the first week of their kids school year. This one. Mother of the Year, right here. But this painting workshop was important to me. It is important that I develop this skill for myself. So, I booked a week of vacation from my paying job, I left my two boys to start the 4th and 5th grade in the hands of their father, I kissed the man I love goodbye and set out on my journey ready to be inspired to be a better painter.
Don't get me wrong. Though I felt the twinges of guilt I was excited to be submerging myself in paint for the next 5 days.
While I was at the workshop I supplemented my love addiction with texts and phone calls and using my new love for inspirations in my art. For example, you may have read my post about the number 14. It is now a staple in my paintings.
But let's get to the worlds colliding, okay? That's why I'm really here.
On day 74, I was more than ready to see my 3 men. The boys returned home after a hot soccer practice and I thoroughly enjoyed their stories. It felt good to be home with them. I was just missing one piece of my pie. Or Cheesecake in this case. Dulce de TubaDad.
At 8pm, he was still at work and I could feel him wavering through text about coming over that evening. Not in a sense that he didn't want to meet them but I think he wanted it to be right. I couldn't think of a better time. It was getting dark. They were swimming and having a good time. No pressure to sit and converse and spill you life story. And they would be going to bed soon enough.
At about 8:30, in the dusk of a hot August Friday night, the burning flame of a man that has confiscated my heart crashed into the two lives that I gave birth to and at that moment and the ones following my world felt completely perfect.
My boys usually entertain themselves playing and there is little interaction with me beyond the occassional "Mom, watch this." But this night, they were engaged. Not with me but with Dulce de TubaDad .
My heart swelled and my love tank overflowed spilling all over my backyard watching the three of them get to know each other.
It was a... Very. Beautiful. Thing.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Didn't you just love when iPods came out and you could put all your photos on them? I did!
This story is from the dating vault. It took place in the fall of 2008. The Internet is a wonderful thing. It connects people- complete strangers- that live far, far away or even right here in the same area as you. I had been skimming Match.com but did not want to pay the money to be a member. I read a funny, funny profile and he was able to sneak in his MySpace address.
Anyone remember MySpace?
Well, I had a MySpace profile and I emailed him through MySpace. I told him I didn't think that we were a romantic match but that I thought his profile was hilarious. We exchanged emails and one Friday he emailed me and asked me out to a Ryan Adams concert.
It was that night! I didn't have anything to do so I said yes. I was also in my work clothes without time to go home to change. I'm no dummy. I went shopping.
I walked out of the store wearing my new clothes with the nice warning from the Sales Clerk that the place I was meeting him at made very strong drinks. Be careful!
The conversation was going along fine when his ex calls. He had a little boy. He had left the little tyke with his Grandma and the ex was just getting in from a vacation with her new boyfriend and was ready to see the little angel. Ms. Ex was not happy that my date was not around to deliver said angel. There was some discussion about it at the table. Followed by an apology.
I'm pretty sure that was my first red flag.
We continue talking and it's time for us to go to the concert. We decide that he is safe enough for me to ride with and we go. On the way he decides he needs to call Ms. Ex back. We're in a car. I'm trapped here. So, in an effort to not eaves drop which is impossible I pick up his iPod and start scrolling through it.
It was a new iPod for the time- you know one with photos loaded on it. I started scrolling through the pictures. There's a picture of his little tow headed angel. Aw. And there's the little tow headed angel with his grandmother. And there's a picture of my date. Oh, why do people take pictures of themselves in the mirror. It's just so cheesy. Don't do it. Red flag number two? Hmm. Not sure. Maybe not. And there's another picture of him in the mirror, a little closer up. And then...
And then...
And then! He must have realized what I was looking at and at the same time that I change to the new picture, cry "OH!" and try to scroll off of the picture, my date bumps his car into the curb and we are jolted back into the lane. Yes, my friends. It was a close up picture of his flaccid penis hanging out of his khaki pants.
And all I could think was, "Why!"
That was definitely a red flag but what was I going to do? Tell him to take me back to my car and have to tell him why if maybe by some chance the whole curb thing was coincidence? Not see Ryan Adams perform? I just tried to put it out of my mind.
We acted like nothing happened. We got to the concert. He tried to park in a No Parking Zone (red flag) and when we walked up to the doors the security guard warned him that he would get towed. So, I went in and he moved the car.
At the intermission we took a little walk. I wasn't aware of it but it was back to his car. He pulls out a flask of whiskey and asks me if I want a swig (red flag). Uh- hello. I'm a girl. I don't take swigs of whiskey. Especially not on a first dates with guys that have naked pictures of their flaccid penis's on their iPods! I politley declined saying I wasn't much of whiskey drinker.
We went back in for the rest of Ryan's weak performance. I still love Ryan anyway. And then it was time to go. He drove me back to my car and there was a little talk about a second date but not much. He pulled up near my car but was blocking someone in when he stopped so while he tried to give me a proper good night goodbye he was rushed. And I was running like Flo-Jo to get my car and driving off like Dale Earnhardt!
I got an email the next day. He wanted to apologize for the whole whiskey in a flask thing. He should have thought that out better and brought me something that I would have liked.
I don't know, like what? A rufie?
Anyone remember MySpace?
Well, I had a MySpace profile and I emailed him through MySpace. I told him I didn't think that we were a romantic match but that I thought his profile was hilarious. We exchanged emails and one Friday he emailed me and asked me out to a Ryan Adams concert.
It was that night! I didn't have anything to do so I said yes. I was also in my work clothes without time to go home to change. I'm no dummy. I went shopping.
I walked out of the store wearing my new clothes with the nice warning from the Sales Clerk that the place I was meeting him at made very strong drinks. Be careful!
The conversation was going along fine when his ex calls. He had a little boy. He had left the little tyke with his Grandma and the ex was just getting in from a vacation with her new boyfriend and was ready to see the little angel. Ms. Ex was not happy that my date was not around to deliver said angel. There was some discussion about it at the table. Followed by an apology.
I'm pretty sure that was my first red flag.
We continue talking and it's time for us to go to the concert. We decide that he is safe enough for me to ride with and we go. On the way he decides he needs to call Ms. Ex back. We're in a car. I'm trapped here. So, in an effort to not eaves drop which is impossible I pick up his iPod and start scrolling through it.
It was a new iPod for the time- you know one with photos loaded on it. I started scrolling through the pictures. There's a picture of his little tow headed angel. Aw. And there's the little tow headed angel with his grandmother. And there's a picture of my date. Oh, why do people take pictures of themselves in the mirror. It's just so cheesy. Don't do it. Red flag number two? Hmm. Not sure. Maybe not. And there's another picture of him in the mirror, a little closer up. And then...
And then...
And then! He must have realized what I was looking at and at the same time that I change to the new picture, cry "OH!" and try to scroll off of the picture, my date bumps his car into the curb and we are jolted back into the lane. Yes, my friends. It was a close up picture of his flaccid penis hanging out of his khaki pants.
And all I could think was, "Why!"
That was definitely a red flag but what was I going to do? Tell him to take me back to my car and have to tell him why if maybe by some chance the whole curb thing was coincidence? Not see Ryan Adams perform? I just tried to put it out of my mind.
We acted like nothing happened. We got to the concert. He tried to park in a No Parking Zone (red flag) and when we walked up to the doors the security guard warned him that he would get towed. So, I went in and he moved the car.
At the intermission we took a little walk. I wasn't aware of it but it was back to his car. He pulls out a flask of whiskey and asks me if I want a swig (red flag). Uh- hello. I'm a girl. I don't take swigs of whiskey. Especially not on a first dates with guys that have naked pictures of their flaccid penis's on their iPods! I politley declined saying I wasn't much of whiskey drinker.
We went back in for the rest of Ryan's weak performance. I still love Ryan anyway. And then it was time to go. He drove me back to my car and there was a little talk about a second date but not much. He pulled up near my car but was blocking someone in when he stopped so while he tried to give me a proper good night goodbye he was rushed. And I was running like Flo-Jo to get my car and driving off like Dale Earnhardt!
I got an email the next day. He wanted to apologize for the whole whiskey in a flask thing. He should have thought that out better and brought me something that I would have liked.
I don't know, like what? A rufie?
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Fourteen bottles of beer on the wall, fourteen bottles of beer.
Love drunk. That's what I am.
I have been frantically trying to remember every detail of the last 65 days. As we talked on the phone last night, Dulce de TubaDad reminded me of when we first held hands and that's when he felt that I liked him. It was on that damn second date. I wound up telling him about that and he laughed.
But, I realized I was forgetting stuff and it's only been 65 days. I don't want to forget any of it. What if I'm Ally and he's Noah and I get Alzheimer's and he has to read me the Notebook of our story everyday so I can remember? What if? Huh? Huh?
You see why I say Love drunk and not Lovesick but I guess it could be sick. Sick in the head! Anyway.
I've realized the number 14 has meaning in our life.
We had our first date on June 14th.
TubaDad was the 14th date I had been on on this merry go round ride called dating.
Day 14- the day that I realized that I really liked him and especially glad he didn't turn out to be a psychotic ax murderer when we took an evening nature walk together in the dark woodsy area near his apartment.
Valentine's Day- the day of love is on the 14th!
Okay, that doesn't really have anything to do with us but still! Just saying.
This is just silly business but I plan on staying in the honeymoon phase forever so these are the details I need to document and remember.
But, he's number 8 on my speed dial. Infinity. That was not planned when I programmed it.
That was serendipity.
I have been frantically trying to remember every detail of the last 65 days. As we talked on the phone last night, Dulce de TubaDad reminded me of when we first held hands and that's when he felt that I liked him. It was on that damn second date. I wound up telling him about that and he laughed.
But, I realized I was forgetting stuff and it's only been 65 days. I don't want to forget any of it. What if I'm Ally and he's Noah and I get Alzheimer's and he has to read me the Notebook of our story everyday so I can remember? What if? Huh? Huh?
You see why I say Love drunk and not Lovesick but I guess it could be sick. Sick in the head! Anyway.
I've realized the number 14 has meaning in our life.
We had our first date on June 14th.
TubaDad was the 14th date I had been on on this merry go round ride called dating.
Day 14- the day that I realized that I really liked him and especially glad he didn't turn out to be a psychotic ax murderer when we took an evening nature walk together in the dark woodsy area near his apartment.
Valentine's Day- the day of love is on the 14th!
Okay, that doesn't really have anything to do with us but still! Just saying.
This is just silly business but I plan on staying in the honeymoon phase forever so these are the details I need to document and remember.
But, he's number 8 on my speed dial. Infinity. That was not planned when I programmed it.
That was serendipity.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Cowboy Kerry tries to lasso a philly before Colorado Steve could land in Texas
I have been so wrapped up in being in love and sharing that wonderful part of my life with you that it feels like the whole Match.com thing was a million years ago. Who were those men?
Looking back on it all I really appreciate the pace that Dulce de TubaDad took with asking me out. It was the perfect balance of communication of emails, phone calls, and text messages. Not too much. Not too little. If he had swooped in and tried to whisk me away, I would have resisted. I wanted time for each of us to earn the others affection. That's the hard part about meeting online. People, men and women, want an instant spark of chemistry and, for me at least, I need the fire to build slower.
Take for example one of my last dates from Match. I called him Cowboy Kerry.
He was from a small south Texas town. We shared that in common. He had 3 boys. I have 2. We shared that in common. When talking on the phone he explained a lot of his views on life that are not your standard beliefs. Religious, political, some past mistakes. I alleviated his concerns that those things didn't matter because I'm cool that way. I am open to other peoples beliefs and they are not any less than my own.
I think he was smitten in part that I didn't condemn him on the spot.
We decided to meet for lunch on a Thursday and I picked a spot with a beautiful outdoor patio and it was a very nice lunch. By Friday morning he had Googled me and found all of my blogs. Well, there you go. What else do you need to know about me? It's all out there. And, apparently he liked what he read.
The only problem was that Colorado Steve was flying into meet me on Friday and we all know that I completely suck at dating more than one guy at a time. (See this post if you need further clarification.) There was a possibility that I Colorado Steve wouldn't make it in until late in which case Cowboy Kerry was on standby. But, Colorado Steve did make it in and we went to dinner.
I had plans with my girlfriend for her birthday Saturday day and Saturday night I was going to go out with Colorado Steve again. I mean, he did fly into Texas just to meet me. Well, I think. Who knows how he spent his Saturday day. Anyway, I had exchanged some texts with Cowboy Kerry Saturday morning and all was pleasant. When he texted me Saturday night I didn't see it until later so I just let it go and didn't answer him. By Sunday afternoon, I had voicemail messages, texts and emails. His flame was a raging bon fire while mine wasn't even a tiny spark yet. I was still holding the match.
So there I was. I didn't hate Colorado Steve like I thought I would (or like I should have- wait. Hate is a strong word. I should have known better) and I had two polarizing personalities vying for my attention.
And, though I'm sure he was a really nice person and would have showered me with attention and while I can certainly appreciate the fact that he liked me, I had to cut Cowboy Kerry loose.
Or disappear in a puff of smoke.
Or get the hell out of Dodge.
Or run like the wind. And, I'm so glad I did because I might have missed meeting Dulce de TubaDad.
So, that is all the dating stories I have from the last ten months and the last two of those ten months with DTD have been the happiest months I can remember. Ever. And that's a long time.
Looking back on it all I really appreciate the pace that Dulce de TubaDad took with asking me out. It was the perfect balance of communication of emails, phone calls, and text messages. Not too much. Not too little. If he had swooped in and tried to whisk me away, I would have resisted. I wanted time for each of us to earn the others affection. That's the hard part about meeting online. People, men and women, want an instant spark of chemistry and, for me at least, I need the fire to build slower.
Take for example one of my last dates from Match. I called him Cowboy Kerry.
He was from a small south Texas town. We shared that in common. He had 3 boys. I have 2. We shared that in common. When talking on the phone he explained a lot of his views on life that are not your standard beliefs. Religious, political, some past mistakes. I alleviated his concerns that those things didn't matter because I'm cool that way. I am open to other peoples beliefs and they are not any less than my own.
I think he was smitten in part that I didn't condemn him on the spot.
We decided to meet for lunch on a Thursday and I picked a spot with a beautiful outdoor patio and it was a very nice lunch. By Friday morning he had Googled me and found all of my blogs. Well, there you go. What else do you need to know about me? It's all out there. And, apparently he liked what he read.
The only problem was that Colorado Steve was flying into meet me on Friday and we all know that I completely suck at dating more than one guy at a time. (See this post if you need further clarification.) There was a possibility that I Colorado Steve wouldn't make it in until late in which case Cowboy Kerry was on standby. But, Colorado Steve did make it in and we went to dinner.
I had plans with my girlfriend for her birthday Saturday day and Saturday night I was going to go out with Colorado Steve again. I mean, he did fly into Texas just to meet me. Well, I think. Who knows how he spent his Saturday day. Anyway, I had exchanged some texts with Cowboy Kerry Saturday morning and all was pleasant. When he texted me Saturday night I didn't see it until later so I just let it go and didn't answer him. By Sunday afternoon, I had voicemail messages, texts and emails. His flame was a raging bon fire while mine wasn't even a tiny spark yet. I was still holding the match.
So there I was. I didn't hate Colorado Steve like I thought I would (or like I should have- wait. Hate is a strong word. I should have known better) and I had two polarizing personalities vying for my attention.
And, though I'm sure he was a really nice person and would have showered me with attention and while I can certainly appreciate the fact that he liked me, I had to cut Cowboy Kerry loose.
Or disappear in a puff of smoke.
Or get the hell out of Dodge.
Or run like the wind. And, I'm so glad I did because I might have missed meeting Dulce de TubaDad.
So, that is all the dating stories I have from the last ten months and the last two of those ten months with DTD have been the happiest months I can remember. Ever. And that's a long time.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Day 55 - Meet the Parents
Dulce de TubaDad and I had another full weekend together. While at dinner on Saturday night, DTD announces: Tomorrow after church you can come over and meet my parents. Bring your bathing suit.
Gulp.
Smirk.
A little extra beat in the heart.
I reply: Okay. And after lunch you can come meet my mom.
My mom was coming into town for a couple of days.
Me: Do your parents know you're bringing me?
DTD: No. We'll surprise them.
So, we went to church. Good.
We went to the Taj Mahal of Walmart's to pick up a few items.
He called his mom. No answer. We arrived at his parents home. No one there. Call mom. She answers. Whew. She's at Kroger's. Mom, I have someone with me that I want you and Dad to meet. Whew. We get the hidden key and go inside.
We decide to make out on the couch like a couple of high school kids and just when he's got his hand up my shirt his mom walks in.
HA HA. Just kidding.
He showed me some pictures and we read the paper like regular old people until mom, dad, brother, sister in law and nephew all show up.
His family was, of course, very nice. We had smoothies, pizza, beer and swam in the pool until we needed to leave and meet my mom at my house.
DTD, my mom and I sat around talking about my family and the reunion that my mom had just been to. I was happy he was there to meet my mom because I don't see her much as it is.
It was a good day.
The last thing DTD, my mom and I did together was unload my new five foot metal rooster, Norman, who had been stuck in the back or my car over night. Norman was pissed about being stored in the hot car over night and kept saying, "Thanks Motherfucker, Thanks."
But that's another story for another blog and Norman's swearing only added to the sweetness of the day.
Gulp.
Smirk.
A little extra beat in the heart.
I reply: Okay. And after lunch you can come meet my mom.
My mom was coming into town for a couple of days.
Me: Do your parents know you're bringing me?
DTD: No. We'll surprise them.
So, we went to church. Good.
We went to the Taj Mahal of Walmart's to pick up a few items.
He called his mom. No answer. We arrived at his parents home. No one there. Call mom. She answers. Whew. She's at Kroger's. Mom, I have someone with me that I want you and Dad to meet. Whew. We get the hidden key and go inside.
We decide to make out on the couch like a couple of high school kids and just when he's got his hand up my shirt his mom walks in.
HA HA. Just kidding.
He showed me some pictures and we read the paper like regular old people until mom, dad, brother, sister in law and nephew all show up.
His family was, of course, very nice. We had smoothies, pizza, beer and swam in the pool until we needed to leave and meet my mom at my house.
DTD, my mom and I sat around talking about my family and the reunion that my mom had just been to. I was happy he was there to meet my mom because I don't see her much as it is.
It was a good day.
The last thing DTD, my mom and I did together was unload my new five foot metal rooster, Norman, who had been stuck in the back or my car over night. Norman was pissed about being stored in the hot car over night and kept saying, "Thanks Motherfucker, Thanks."
But that's another story for another blog and Norman's swearing only added to the sweetness of the day.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
I guess it's time to share this post due to the last post: I want to remember this moment for the rest of my life.
It is July 29, 2011 at 1:50pm and I have written the following post not knowing when I will actually hit the "Publish Post" button. So I have no idea what day it will actually be posted or if it will be posted. But here's what I was thinking on July 29th:
How is that I want to both run to the highest tower and scream out the joy that I am feeling AND want to savor the moment from Day 45 for myself a little bit longer?
On Day 45, I was snuggled up with Dulce de TubaDad watching Old School (You're my boy, Blue!) and TubaDad says, "I know what you're thinking." I look at him and respond with "What am I thinking?" To which he says, "You're thinking about what I was going to tell you."
Well, no. I wasn't thinking that. See, on Day 43 on the Oompa Tuba cult phone call with TubaDad, he tells me that he is going to tell me something on Friday. I set my alarm on my iPod to go off to remind me to ask him just in case he hasn't told me. I wasn't sure what he was going to say. I thought it would be something thoughtful and kind like he always says but I didn't know what and I didn't want to assume what he was going to say. When the alarm went off, I didn't ask him to tell me because at that moment I felt like he would tell me when he was ready.
Do you want to know what he told me on Day 45?
He said, "I'm in love with you."
And I sat there for a moment looking at him with a smile on my face and I finally say, "I know." And then he laughed at me.
I know because I feel it. And, it's a feeling like no other feeling that I have ever felt.
And I said back, "And you know, too. That I'm in love with you."
How is that I want to both run to the highest tower and scream out the joy that I am feeling AND want to savor the moment from Day 45 for myself a little bit longer?
On Day 45, I was snuggled up with Dulce de TubaDad watching Old School (You're my boy, Blue!) and TubaDad says, "I know what you're thinking." I look at him and respond with "What am I thinking?" To which he says, "You're thinking about what I was going to tell you."
Well, no. I wasn't thinking that. See, on Day 43 on the Oompa Tuba cult phone call with TubaDad, he tells me that he is going to tell me something on Friday. I set my alarm on my iPod to go off to remind me to ask him just in case he hasn't told me. I wasn't sure what he was going to say. I thought it would be something thoughtful and kind like he always says but I didn't know what and I didn't want to assume what he was going to say. When the alarm went off, I didn't ask him to tell me because at that moment I felt like he would tell me when he was ready.
Do you want to know what he told me on Day 45?
He said, "I'm in love with you."
And I sat there for a moment looking at him with a smile on my face and I finally say, "I know." And then he laughed at me.
I know because I feel it. And, it's a feeling like no other feeling that I have ever felt.
And I said back, "And you know, too. That I'm in love with you."
What happens when you act like a hypocrite and someone you love calls you out on it? If you're me, you cry like a dumb baby.
Day 48 - Also known as the first day that Dulce de TubaDad made Hope cry.
Let's back track on a couple of things.
I'm an advocate for NOT texting while driving. I want to know that my loved ones are safe and when someone texts and drives there is a greater chance for operator error. When someone text and drives they not only put themselves in danger but they put everyone else around them in danger. And, I don't want to be that last text that a loved one receives because they were trying to reply to my text message.
This video had a huge impact on my view of texting and driving. Seriously, find 10 minutes to watch this video.
I have expressed my feelings to Dulce de TubaDad that I don't want him to text and drive. Because I love him and I want him to be safe. I don't want him to be involved in an accident due to our texting each other. You get it.
This past weekend while spending quality time together we discussed the game of Slug Bug. He and his kids search for out of state license plates instead of the Volkswagon Beetle. When they see one, they call it and just like in slug bug the non-seer gets slugged.
I professed the game dumb! Because that's what mature adults do when something is hard and they're not able to win. This is dumb! Dulce de TubaDad has great eye sight and more experience with the game. He kept tapping my leg with Oklahoma, Colorado and Louisiana. Plainly, I sucked at the game.
Until I said, I don't want to be hit anymore. If you see an out of state plate, you get a kiss. And suddenly, I was very good at the game. Better stakes. Just saying.
So when I was driving home on Day 48, I laughed when I saw an Iowa license plate in my stop and go traffic commute. I whipped out my phone and snapped a picture of it, typed a brief message and hit send.
Several miles up the road at a red light I saw Mississippi! Phone, snap, and when I got to daycare I typed out the message that he now owed me two kisses.
It was suppose to be cute and fun but at that moment I became a hypocrite. And I was endangering myself and those around me. And he called me on it. And he called me a hypocrite. And I did not like being called a hypocrite. Though I clearly was.
And I became emotional because I felt like I had disappointed him. I tried holding back the tears but they came out anyway. Stupid tears.
And so we were stuck in this cycle of feeling bad. I felt bad because I felt like I disappointed him. He felt bad for making me cry. I felt bad because I broke my own rule. He felt bad for making me cry. (I know. I already said that.) I felt bad because he felt bad for making me feel bad. And it was a vicious cycle of feeling bad for ourselves and for each other.
Sigh.
But don't worry. Day 48 rolled into Day 49 on the evening phone call and it all worked out fine. Our love tanks are still full and overflowing. It won't be the last time that I disappoint him because I'm not perfect. And, it won't be the last time the man makes me cry because he's not perfect. And these imperfect moments will make all the rest of our moments special and more beautiful.
Let's back track on a couple of things.
I'm an advocate for NOT texting while driving. I want to know that my loved ones are safe and when someone texts and drives there is a greater chance for operator error. When someone text and drives they not only put themselves in danger but they put everyone else around them in danger. And, I don't want to be that last text that a loved one receives because they were trying to reply to my text message.
This video had a huge impact on my view of texting and driving. Seriously, find 10 minutes to watch this video.
I have expressed my feelings to Dulce de TubaDad that I don't want him to text and drive. Because I love him and I want him to be safe. I don't want him to be involved in an accident due to our texting each other. You get it.
This past weekend while spending quality time together we discussed the game of Slug Bug. He and his kids search for out of state license plates instead of the Volkswagon Beetle. When they see one, they call it and just like in slug bug the non-seer gets slugged.
I professed the game dumb! Because that's what mature adults do when something is hard and they're not able to win. This is dumb! Dulce de TubaDad has great eye sight and more experience with the game. He kept tapping my leg with Oklahoma, Colorado and Louisiana. Plainly, I sucked at the game.
Until I said, I don't want to be hit anymore. If you see an out of state plate, you get a kiss. And suddenly, I was very good at the game. Better stakes. Just saying.
So when I was driving home on Day 48, I laughed when I saw an Iowa license plate in my stop and go traffic commute. I whipped out my phone and snapped a picture of it, typed a brief message and hit send.
Several miles up the road at a red light I saw Mississippi! Phone, snap, and when I got to daycare I typed out the message that he now owed me two kisses.
It was suppose to be cute and fun but at that moment I became a hypocrite. And I was endangering myself and those around me. And he called me on it. And he called me a hypocrite. And I did not like being called a hypocrite. Though I clearly was.
And I became emotional because I felt like I had disappointed him. I tried holding back the tears but they came out anyway. Stupid tears.
And so we were stuck in this cycle of feeling bad. I felt bad because I felt like I disappointed him. He felt bad for making me cry. I felt bad because I broke my own rule. He felt bad for making me cry. (I know. I already said that.) I felt bad because he felt bad for making me feel bad. And it was a vicious cycle of feeling bad for ourselves and for each other.
Sigh.
But don't worry. Day 48 rolled into Day 49 on the evening phone call and it all worked out fine. Our love tanks are still full and overflowing. It won't be the last time that I disappoint him because I'm not perfect. And, it won't be the last time the man makes me cry because he's not perfect. And these imperfect moments will make all the rest of our moments special and more beautiful.
Monday, August 1, 2011
What the hell is Colorado Steve doing in Texas on June 22nd when he said he wasn't going to be here until July 1?
I started talking to Colorado Steve at the end of March or beginning of April. Can't remember and don't actually care.
He said that he wanted to let me know that he didn't actually live in Dallas yet but he was planning on moving here July 1. Okay. That's fine. As long as the goal is Dallas then we can get to know each other. No big deal.
We talked on the phone a lot. He said, "If I never see snow again I'll be a happy person." and I thought OK! This guy and I are going to get along. Because I hate snow. It is evil. My hell would not be a burning inferno. It would be wet, freezing cold, nasty snow! Bleh!
As conversations went on I was perplexed by the guy. He would say things that just turned me off. Sweeping negative generalizations. Running is gay. Anyone that watches the royal wedding is an idiot. And other off colored racist marks. Eh. But then he would have these really tender moments. I send my college kid care packages about once a month. He would compliment my pictures on one phone call and on the next he told me which pictures he didn't like and why.
Notice I had more negatives than positives up there. Jeez, Hope. Sometimes you need to trust your gut and not give the jerk a chance but I was on this kick where I was really trying to be open to the possibility of love. There's just way too much to type about this guy.
He came in town to meet me. He was on his best behavior and was charming and nice. The phone calls were becoming less frequent. He flew in town in May. His best behavior was just good behavior. The phone calls were becoming less frequent. He flew in town again at the end of May. His behavior was eh- borderline just freaking bad. And, he was just too stressed out with work, his move, his kid and life to talk to me on the phone.
Wait? I'm suppose to be an oasis? This is the honeymoon phase. I certainly didn't need the cult like phone calls that I loved having with Dulce de TubaDad but a 30 minute conversation a couple of nights a week would have been nice. And not a 30 minute conversation of just me listening to him. You know give and take. I ask you about your day. And then you ask me about my day?
I was finally able to come to terms with what the fuck are you doing wasting valuable time on this guy? He's a jerk and not someone you want to spend another day with much less the rest of your life with! So I finally ended it. And the voices in my head said, "It's about time, idiot!"
Best decision I ever made because my next date was #14- Dulce de TubaDad.
He said that he wanted to let me know that he didn't actually live in Dallas yet but he was planning on moving here July 1. Okay. That's fine. As long as the goal is Dallas then we can get to know each other. No big deal.
We talked on the phone a lot. He said, "If I never see snow again I'll be a happy person." and I thought OK! This guy and I are going to get along. Because I hate snow. It is evil. My hell would not be a burning inferno. It would be wet, freezing cold, nasty snow! Bleh!
As conversations went on I was perplexed by the guy. He would say things that just turned me off. Sweeping negative generalizations. Running is gay. Anyone that watches the royal wedding is an idiot. And other off colored racist marks. Eh. But then he would have these really tender moments. I send my college kid care packages about once a month. He would compliment my pictures on one phone call and on the next he told me which pictures he didn't like and why.
Notice I had more negatives than positives up there. Jeez, Hope. Sometimes you need to trust your gut and not give the jerk a chance but I was on this kick where I was really trying to be open to the possibility of love. There's just way too much to type about this guy.
He came in town to meet me. He was on his best behavior and was charming and nice. The phone calls were becoming less frequent. He flew in town in May. His best behavior was just good behavior. The phone calls were becoming less frequent. He flew in town again at the end of May. His behavior was eh- borderline just freaking bad. And, he was just too stressed out with work, his move, his kid and life to talk to me on the phone.
Wait? I'm suppose to be an oasis? This is the honeymoon phase. I certainly didn't need the cult like phone calls that I loved having with Dulce de TubaDad but a 30 minute conversation a couple of nights a week would have been nice. And not a 30 minute conversation of just me listening to him. You know give and take. I ask you about your day. And then you ask me about my day?
I was finally able to come to terms with what the fuck are you doing wasting valuable time on this guy? He's a jerk and not someone you want to spend another day with much less the rest of your life with! So I finally ended it. And the voices in my head said, "It's about time, idiot!"
Best decision I ever made because my next date was #14- Dulce de TubaDad.
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