What the hell is Colorado Steve doing in Texas on June 22nd when he said he wasn't going to be here until July 1?

I started talking to Colorado Steve at the end of March or beginning of April. Can't remember and don't actually care.

He said that he wanted to let me know that he didn't actually live in Dallas yet but he was planning on moving here July 1. Okay. That's fine. As long as the goal is Dallas then we can get to know each other. No big deal.

We talked on the phone a lot. He said, "If I never see snow again I'll be a happy person." and I thought OK! This guy and I are going to get along. Because I hate snow. It is evil. My hell would not be a burning inferno. It would be wet, freezing cold, nasty snow! Bleh!

As conversations went on I was perplexed by the guy. He would say things that just turned me off. Sweeping negative generalizations. Running is gay. Anyone that watches the royal wedding is an idiot. And other off colored racist marks. Eh. But then he would have these really tender moments. I send my college kid care packages about once a month. He would compliment my pictures on one phone call and on the next he told me which pictures he didn't like and why.

Notice I had more negatives than positives up there. Jeez, Hope. Sometimes you need to trust your gut and not give the jerk a chance but I was on this kick where I was really trying to be open to the possibility of love. There's just way too much to type about this guy.

He came in town to meet me. He was on his best behavior and was charming and nice. The phone calls were becoming less frequent. He flew in town in May. His best behavior was just good behavior. The phone calls were becoming less frequent. He flew in town again at the end of May. His behavior was eh- borderline just freaking bad. And, he was just too stressed out with work, his move, his kid and life to talk to me on the phone.

Wait? I'm suppose to be an oasis? This is the honeymoon phase. I certainly didn't need the cult like phone calls that I loved having with Dulce de TubaDad but a 30 minute conversation a couple of nights a week would have been nice. And not a 30 minute conversation of just me listening to him. You know give and take. I ask you about your day. And then you ask me about my day?

I was finally able to come to terms with what the fuck are you doing wasting valuable time on this guy? He's a jerk and not someone you want to spend another day with much less the rest of your life with! So I finally ended it. And the voices in my head said, "It's about time, idiot!"

Best decision I ever made because my next date was #14- Dulce de TubaDad.

Be very careful what you pray for- you might just get it.

Dear God,

You have a funny sense of humor.

I went to church today with Dulce de TubaDad. It's the first time I've been to church since the one time in January of this year and who knows when before that. Well, I guess you know.

And I liked it.

I liked the message. I liked the way it was delivered. I liked who I was sitting next to at church. I especially liked the person I was sitting next to at church.

So, this is how you get me back to church? You deliver me a really great man?

It's a great deal! Thank you. I am grateful.

Sincerely,
A very happy and content, Hope

PS maybe a little less arm raising during the songs? Or maybe not. I can just keep mine down, right?

Who knew that Ferris Bueller grew up to be such a groper?

It was Chicfila Wednesday at my house when I received a phone call from my Aunt T. She lives about an hour away from me but she was in my area at a hotel with some friends of hers. And guess what. She met someone that she would really like to set me up with.

I laughed and got the details.

Ferris Bueller was newly divorced. Had two small children. Worked as a pilot for the FAA and was in town training and called San Diego home. Bottom line- my aunt felt sorry for him and wanted me to go out with him. Ah, well, she thought he was nice and I'm sure he didn't grope her when they met so how was she to know.

We met at the hotel bar for drinks and apps on Friday evening. He did look like an older Ferris Bueller. Short like him too but cute enough. I wore my short heels for him. The conversation was easy and we decided to move to a real bar with a live band.

I don't think he was drunk but maybe he was.

Let me just say I am an affectionate person. I like to hold hands. I like to hug and kiss. Public displays of affection don't bother me one bit.

But I'm not really interested in being felt up on the first date in a bar in front of everyone! Jeez! I politely with a laugh moved his hand south of the bosom firmly on the waistline because I'm a cool chick that way. Maybe he's nervous. I'm sure he hasn't been on a date in a while.

The night went on. It was fun. It was okay. It wasn't a love match or anything but it was a night out.

And then it was time to end. And Mr. Groper turned into Mr. Begger.

Please see me again. Please, please! Please come up to my room. Please, please. Please touch me. Whoa! Seriously men! Save it for another date other than the FIRST! Unless of course she's touching you and then by all means go with it if you want to.

I suddenly turned into Ed Rooney wanting to get Ferris Bueller expelled.

Expelled from my car!

It was pitiful and sad and I felt sorry for him but not sorry enough to touch him.

Groper? Groper? Groper? Groper? Groper?

When I first started re-writing this blog on June 2nd, I told you that I had been on 14 first dates. I started dating again in November so that would have been 7 months. 2 a month. I think Evan suggests 2 a week but that must be for a single person because there is no way in hell I could manage two a week. My evidence is this post.

But let me review this list of men:
1. Mr Southerland - I word vomited on him.
2. Crazy Sexy Jim - Booty call man.
3. Mr. No - Don't drink, don't smoke, don't follow through.
4. Gate 32 - Disappearing over texter.
5. Cartoon Head - Just an over texter.
6. Mr. Cheese - Lies about his age.
7. Just Jim - Too much of an age gap.
8. No. 9. - Oh! Your divorce is not final. My bad.
9. No Nickname #10 - A Top Golf date. I almost won until he pulled out the Big Bertha.
10. iPhone - Called every two hours on a Sunday.
11. I'm Not 5'9" - He wore my lipstick and was not 5' 9".
12. Ferris Bueller- there's a story.
13. Colorado Steve - was in Texas when he was supposed to be in Colorado ruining my 2nd date.
14. Cowboy Kerry - a blurb of a story.
15. Dulce de TubaDad  - We're on day 45 and I'm loving our time together.
16. TheVoice - Almost derailed my whole love train but I got smart. And, Dulce de TubaDad asked me out again. Thank you, God.

I realized that I had misnumbered a few but this is the correct order except I never had a date with #10- iPhone. So I'm not sure what to do with him.

Hmm... Think, Hope. Think.

Executive decision. It's my blog. It's my life. We're discussing actual dates so, I'm taking him out of the list. The list should read like this:

1. Mr Southerland
2. Crazy Sexy Jim
3. Mr. No
4. Gate 32
5. Cartoon Head
6. Mr. Cheese
7. Just Jim
8. No. 9. (who is actually #8)
9. No Nickname #10 (who is actually #9)
10. I'm Not 5'9" (formally numbered 11 before I kicked out iPhone)
11. Ferris Bueller
12. Colorado Steve
13. Cowboy Kerry
14. Dulce de TubaDad
15. TheVoice

So, what is all this list making do for you? Absolutely frenching nothing.

But for me, it clears my head out and now I see that I have 3 men to tell you about: Ferris Bueller, Colorado Steve, & Cowboy Kerry because I've already told you about TheVoice and I'm currently updating you on the sweetness known as Dulce de TubaDad.

Somebody start the band so we can get this parade moving!

Oh! I'm so happy!

When you talk on the phone for 3 hours 3 nights in a row you talk about a lot. I'm trying to capture it all so I can remember but sadly I've already forgotten some. But I do remember a couple of things, too.

Like being transparent. Being transparent means you are being honest with the other person and you trust the other person with what you are saying and feeling.

And, holding hands. Dulce de TubaDad told me he likes holding my hand. He says I squeeze his hand as if checking to see if it is real. He squeezes back to assure me that it is. And then I squeeze back harder.

I think my second squeeze is a squeeze that says, "Oh! I'm so happy!"

Have you heard of that new cult called Oompa Tubas? This is a real email.

From: Hope
Sent: Thursday, July 28, 2011 10:51 AM
To: Fabulous Pregnant Fitness Trainer, Jennifer

Dear Fabulous Pregnant Fitness Trainer,
I regret to inform you that I will not be at my regularly scheduled workout today. I have joined a new cult called the Oompa Tubas. We’re a cult of 2 and we stay up talking into the wee hours of the morning. It’s that initiation period where you’re deprived of food and sleep except I’ve only been deprived of sleep. I will be seeking a wee nap to try and compensate for this week’s lost 9 hours of sleep.
Oom Pa! (that’s tuba sounds)

Hopefully see you on Friday.

just a few of a lot more to come

A phone conversation from Day 42 - July 26, 2011.

There is a feeling of happiness and love that is overwhelming me at the moment. On one hand I embrace it and accept it for all it is and all it has potential to be. It's everything that I have been preparing myself for physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually for the last ten months. But my old self still has the other hand where I warn myself that it's only day 42 and there is a lot more to learn and experience. So, while talking to Dulce de TubaDad on the phone I asked him, "Is 42 days a lot or just a few?"

He tapped into my love of pizza.

DTD: So say you have 42 pieces of Little Caesar's pizza.

H: Eh, okay.

DTD: Not so impressive right?

H: No. It is pizza but not very good pizza.

DTD: Right. But what if you have one really good Burrata Mozzarella Pie with pepperonis and a really good salad to go with it from Fireside Pies? Which one sounds better?

H: Well, of course, I want the Burrata Mozzerella Pie. That was a very nice date by the way.

DTD: Right, because it's not quantity. It's quality.

And I completely agree. The 42 days that I have experienced dating Dulce de TubaDad have been pure quality. Everyone of them. But this also made him wonder why I asked that question. He sensed my doubt. And he had an answer. A really good answer.

He tells me this next sentence slowly, with thoughtful pauses, carefully choosing the right words,

It doesn't matter if it's a second, a minute, a week, a month or a year, when it feels right in your heart you know it's right so 42 days is a lot but it's also just a few.

And at that moment, I sent up a silent, "Thank you, God and the whole universe for putting this man in my path!"

On August 12th I will be 42 years old. I have lived a full life with many experiences. As a child I endured my parents painful divorce. And later, I was anxious about their reconciliation but then felt a sense of relief that they had each other again. I've had boyfriends. Some that I liked more than they liked me. And a few that liked me more than I liked them. I've been married. I birthed two wonderful boys. And, I went through my own divorce. A divorce that I chose. In the case of my divorce, and hind sight, my love tank was sitting on empty for too long. Too much resentment built up and I wasn't able to hold on to my marriage. Dr. Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, writes about our basic need to feel loved and the 5 different ways that we feel love. To briefly list them, the 5 Love Languages are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. And when the people in our lives speak our love language to us, our love tanks stay full.

In all my 42 years, through the boys that I desperately obsessed over in high school and the walls that I built up in my flighty young adults days, straight up to convincing my ex-husband to finally marry me already, I can honestly say I do not remember a time when my love tank was so overflowing. I'm one of those 1975 gas pumps that doesn't have the automatic shut off valve when the tanks is full and gas is spewing all over the car and the ground. That is my love tank these days.

And the thing that makes it so special is that TubaDad expresses my feelings as his own.

And as we talked day 42 into the early morning of day 43 we both agreed it's a just a few of a lot more to come.