Just Stand Still For a Damn Monkey Minute!

I'm not sure if I've talked about this tip from dating expert Evan Marc Katz but it really rang true for me and it was actually a relief for a man to give this advice.

This only applies to ladies.

Please, stand still. Did you get that? STAND STILL!

Don't run away from a man hoping he will chase you. He might chase you. He might not. He may only enjoy the chase. Then when he finally catches you, he's done. Or, he just gets freaking tired because chasing you is really too much work.

Don't run to a man giddy with excitement smothering him with your love. I know you have a heart full of loving and adoring and damn it you're just so ready to share it.

There is plenty of time for that.

I promise. Later.

Stand still.

Let him approach you.

And when he does, be open. Be kind. Be your happy go-lucky self. Be the person you want to date. So lose the negativity and complaints. No one wants to be with Debbie Downer or Nancy Negative. Well, I don't anyway.

When first dating Tuba-dad, I didn't call him first. I didn't text him first. I didn't email him first.

Not until Day 33.

We were planning to get together that afternoon and I sent him a text at 10:39AM that said: hi. just thinking about you.

He told me later that night that he nearly fell out of his chair at work that I actually texted him first!

So just stand still. It took me 42 years to learn my life lessons and be ready to find and accept the love of my life. 42 years! So, believe me. There's plenty of time.

Stand still and be open to the good things and people that are in your life. One of them will be the love of YOUR life.

PS. The following is a contradicting statement: this doesn't mean that if you are on a dating website that you just throw up your profile and hope the love of  your life finds you. Dating on websites is a job. Contact men  you are interested in. You never know. You may find him but be graceful enough to let him do the rest after you get the ball rolling.

Too Much Real Estate

Are you ready for dating tip #1?

The first book I started out with was Calling in "The One": 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life by Katherine Woodward Thomas and honestly, I didn't get through the whole book but I would still recommend it. The seven sections of the book are:

1. Preparing for Love
2. Completions
3. Healing Core Wounds
4. Setting Your Course
5. First Things First
6. A Life Worth Living
7. Living Love Fulfilled

Katherine writes about how we need to prepare ourselves, of course, but one of the things that I grasped on in the first section was preparing my space. Do you have space in your home for someone else? Create space for them. I started in the closet and I cleaned out about a foot of space from floor to ceiling that was dedicated to my soulmate. I cleaned out a bathroom drawer where he could put his toothbrush and other toiletries. And, then I attacked the bedroom itself.

I was sleeping in the bed that I shared with my ex-husband and to me that was some really bad mojo. I felt it important to rid anything in my bedroom that was related to my ex and to prepare the space for my soulmate. Things as simple as two nightstands, two clocks, two lamps. I was planning for when someone did come into my life. I also bought a new bed. Queen-sized down from the King-sized.

My friends teased me and said that surely I would meet my husband now because with Murphy's Law no man wants to sleep in a queen bed. My theory was this though- I'm a snuggler. A spooner. I like to have contact even when the body heats gets too hot to be right next to each other I still want a toe touching or something!

Those king sized beds have way too much real estate. I mean it's like you're on either side of the country. He's sleeping in California and I'm in Florida with the whole nation in between us! Not romantic. Beds are made for cuddling and loving and face it, some days that's where we spend the most time with each other. The Queen bed gave you room for each other but not too much room.

So, when I met my sweet husband and it came time for us to sleep in the same bed, he had a king, I announced, "Your bed is too big!" He laughed, confused. I continued, "There is way too much real estate in this bed. If I wanted to sleep alone, I could sleep do that at home. How are you going to snuggle me from way over there?" I had to take action because I could tell he wasn't going to budge on the King Size bed so, I took my half out of the middle. He can pick either side but the middle is mine!

So look at your space and where do you need to make room for your soulmate. Is it in your closet, your bathroom, your bedroom or your whole house? Pick one area to start with and gradually work your way to the whole house.

It's a simple mind shift that tells the universe that you're ready for someone special in your life.

An Easy-peasy Lovefest

It's been about eight months since I've posted here and I just wanted to share with you that married life is good.

Really good. You may remember that Tuba Dad and I counted the days since we met each other and today marks 802 best days of my life.

That's not to say that it hasn't been difficult at times. It has. Mostly for me! Merging two families together and learning each others quirks and realizing we're not under dads relaxed rules is no easy task. For example, I don't want dirty teenagers eating in the living room. Or, the bedrooms. We have perfectly nice kitchen where you can do that. And, while I don't mind picking up after you every now and then, I am not your maid. Shoot! I'm not even my own maid! I hate cleaning.

There were some serious anxiety ridden days in my house earlier this year when feeling like the Queen Nag really wore me out. Or, the new slave driving position Tuba Dad took kept him long hours at work. Or, the girl employee of Tuba Dad's that really got on my nerves because I felt like she wanted Tuba Dad to value their relationship more than our relationship and whether it's true or not, that was my perception. Following me on that one? Or, when the Cheerleader (step-daughter) was lying to us about the completely inappropriate boy that she wanted to date. Oh my!

I wasn't prepared to care so much for his kids and to feel so out of control. And that's what I am- out of control. OOC! I have no control over their school activities or who they see or any of that. And, I'll admit that I was jealous of the relationship I saw developing with Tuba Dad and my two boys. Happy, but jealous. It's not easy to develop that same relationship with older kids when I only get to see them roughly 4 days out of any given month.

Anyway, Tuba Dad, has been an absolute pillar through all my craziness. Steady, calm, loving and reassuring. I'm sure he has thought "What have done?" a time or two. If it was just the two of us it would be an easy-peasy lovefest but it's six of us and though it can be chaotic and loud (why are they so loud?) and dirty and expensive (Eating out!) it's really, really good, too.

So, my 2011 Year of Love has been such a wonderful success and I'm right in the middle of it all and it's here and it's real. So, why do I feel like something is missing? Not missing in my relationship but in my purpose. It's kind of like I got everything I wanted, and now what? I feel like I'm denying some kind of purpose that I'm supposed to be fulfilling but not 100% sure what that purpose is.

And maybe part of the purpose of this post is to open this little blog back up and type out all the dating advice that worked for me to find my little lovefest of a life I'm living so that someone else might stumble on it or share it with a friend who is in dating despair.

I don't know. We'll see what happens though, okay?

Until next time, may your lovetank be overflowing.

Married Hope

The only dates I will have in my future are date nights with my husband!

TubaDad and I were married in a private ceremony (and I do mean private! the two of us, the officiant and the photographer) at the Arboretum in Dallas.

It was a perfect day and a perfect weekend.

Thank you for following along this little blog and my dating adventures.

If you or a friend is out there looking for love, I'm here to tell you- You can have the love of your life!

Open your heart to the possibility.

Open your mind to know that no one is "perfect".

Live as if you are already with your soul mate and believe in your heart they are out there looking for you, too.

Your only job is to be ready to accept them into your life when you meet them.

There is so much you can learn about relationships and dating from some people that guided me. Arielle Ford,  Evan Marc Katz, Claire Zammit, Dr. John Gray, Dr. Gary Chapman and so many more.

Blessings, peace, and love to you all.

The end.

Meet the Fockers

Are you still following along with this little blog about my dating adventures? Blogging about dating sure does become boring when you're dating the same guy everyday. Boring in a good way!

Yesterday was the 14th- or 489th day of the best days of my life or 16 months since I met the love of my life.

On the 12th, TubaDad and I, along with my two boys, travelled to my parents home for my 25 year class reunion. The purpose of the trip was two fold.

1- I was going to spend quality time with my friends that I grew up with so many years ago.
2- TubaDad wanted to meet the Fockers- or better known as my parents.

While I ran around with my friends, TubaDad soaked in time with the Fockers. They got along perfectly fine on the 13th as we started the day at my parents ranch, line fishing for perch at the pond and just enjoying nature. TubaDad and Poppa Focker bonded as they cracked open their first Miller Lite at 10am.

Let the male bonding begin! I hear there was a lot of beer drinking and fire cracker popping.

Late afternoon, while I was still running around with friends, TubaDad told the Fockers that he was going to marry Hope- that's me! Poppa Focker said, "Well, you don't need to tell me. You need to tell her."

TubaDad said that he had told me and then told them that it would be before the end of the year to which Momma Focker replied, "Oh."

When I returned everyone seemed happy- or drunk, not sure which- but they were enjoying some good old Nascar racing so we procured some dinner and afterwards I left my crew to go drink and dance and be merry with friends.

It was a great weekend. I was spending time remembering my friends from the past looking forward to my future.

Within the next 78 days I will marry TubaDad and life has never felt so good.

14 months

I like the number 14 because I met my sweetheart on the 14th of June.

We have been dating for 14 months today.

Or, 428 days!

All is well in TubaLand.

TubaDad sold his house this month. The house he owned with the "prior administration".

Bribes had to be dealt out.

Stress was all about.

It made me want to shout!

Obscenities!

I did shout them.

But in the end, it only drew us closer together and we made out.

And life is still good.

Real Good.

Best 368 Days Ever!

It's official. 1 year, 1 day down and 1 more in progress.

It's been a fabulous year with TubaDad.

There has been a lot of eating out- I have the ten pounds to prove it.

There were two vacations. Both of them spectacular.

There have been a multitude of phone calls and text messages and hugs and kisses.

Savoring every moment that I have with this man.

He's a good catch.

Eleven.

336 days ago (or 11 months for those of you less tedious types) I met TubaDad.

Bomp, bomp, bomp, bomp! Sing a long friends. Bomp, bomp, bomp, bomp!

Happy 336 Days to us!

And, many more!!!


PS He took my boys shopping for Mother's Day and it was very sweet.

This is a public service announcement: Never fly Spirit Airlines.

It's April 30th and by the lack of me writing any posts you should have assumed that all is right in the world of TubaDad and Hope. And if that's what you have assumed although we all know that assuming makes and ass out of you and me, you would be correct.

Since my last post in February, TubaDad and I have been on two trips. The first to Mexico and the second to Key West.

The first trip presented some challenges for us. I'm sure a cosmic test to see how we would do under stress. Our flight left at 6:30am and we had both set our alarms for 4:30am. I'm not quite sure how to adults over the age of 40 BOTH set their alarms incorrectly but that's what we did and when I woke up at 5:06am the two of us were in fast forward motion throwing on our clothes, throwing stuff in our bags and throwing ourselves in the car.

Lucky for us we only live 5 minutes from the airport, if that. As I read the itinerary a little uh-oh bubbles up out of my mouth as I announce that our flight actually leaves at 6:10am. TubaDad applies more gas and I'm holding on for dear life.

Since I'm an over packer, he throws me out at the curb with my suitcase as he goes to park the car. I'm running (and I use the term loosely as it's not really possible to run wearing flip flops and dragging a huge suitcase behind me) to the gate and when I get there I go to the youngest guy there and say to him, "We are going to miss this flight if you don't help me!" So, he sees my unruly hair from only being awake for 15 minutes and the sand in the corner of my eyes and takes pity on me. We get checked in, some we make it through security, walk briskly to our gate, right on to the airplane and whew! We made it. And, then... there we sat for another hour.

The airlines finally realized they couldn't hold us any longer as we were all getting hot and restless and they released us back to the airport. This was actually a nice reprieve for us as we were able to grab some coffee, spend some time in the restrooms and exhale a sigh of relief.

Of course, we did not follow instructions given to remain at the gate and we lounged in the big comfy chairs with the gate still in view but out of ear shot. After awhile TubaDad went over to check on the progress of our flight and he returns in a jog with a whistle saying, "We gotta go!"

They had been calling our names to change airlines because we wouldn't make our connection in Ft. Lauderdale and on to Cancun so we grabbed my over packed bag and hurried over to another terminal with two other couples.

As we were walking up to the ticket counter, TubaDad gets a phone call from one of his bosses. One of the big bosses- let's call him Bob. They were talking about change and how the big boss wanted to bring a new guy over to the shop and so on. TubaDad tells him he would love to be there but he was about to board a plane to Mexico. TubaDad is assuming that the new guy is replacing an employee that had recently quit. TubaDad gets on the phone with the boss under the big boss- let's call him Greg - asking about the new guy and wham! Greg tells TubaDad that Bob had just fired Greg and the new guy was TubaDad's new boss and it was a whole new situation. If that makes any sense at all. He spent the next 30 or so minutes on the phone with his shop, etc. preparing them for what was going on.

Needless to say, at this point we both needed a drink.

We got to Mexico fine on Sun Country. We got to our little bus and purchased some beers. And ah! We were on vacation. We got to the resort about an hour later and in to our room that had a great little balcony. We could see the pool and the ocean. The rest of the trip was walking around, sitting on the beach, relaxing and eating. No schedule. No worries. No kids.  It was wonderful.

It was so wonderful that trials of flying home couldn't even ruin it. I'll try not bore you with all the details but getting through customs and through security was not easy an easy task causing us to miss our connection. While getting through customs my phone is blowing up because my ex didn't remember that he had to pick our kids up. That all worked out fine though and we were scheduled to get on the 9:50pm flight. Which turned into the 12:30am flight. Which turned into the 12:50am flight. Which turned into the 1:20am flight. And then 1:50. And then 2:10... you get the picture. That plane was not leaving.

Somewhere in the one o'clock hour, TubaDad looks at me and says, "Get your stuff. We're not going to do this." Being a good girlfriend, I gathered my stuff and simply asked, "What are we going to do?"

We got a hotel room. He purchased two new tickets on American Airlines departing at 10:00AM the next day. And we went to sleep. We made it home the next day around 12:30. He went to work. I went and got a pedicure.

So, needless to say we passed the cosmic tests of traveling together. Key West was less adventurous but just as much fun. And, don't forget. Never fly Spirit Airlines. Unless you just love hanging out in airports.

Oh, Meatballs! A Valentine's Day Report

It's our first Valentine's Day Report.

Are you ready for this romantic, mushy, gushy, do the gag move? Well, if that's what you're looking for then you're not going to find here on this report.

Last Thursday, I asked TubaDad if he wanted to come have dinner with me and the boys on Valentine's Day. I would cook dinner.


Okay- stop. You know I'm in love if I'm cooking for the man.

Okay- resume.

He, of course, said yes and told me and the boys to decide on what to cook.

I had just seen an episode of Guy's Big Bites and I wanted to make Hunter's Hoagies except not on Hoagies. On pasta.

I made the list of all the ingredients on Saturday.

I did the shopping for all the ingredients on Sunday.



 

We cooked hot dogs on Sunday evening and discussed Tuesday's menu.

Monday evening after working all day, picking up kids and feeding them cereal and macaroni and cheese (One had cereal. The other had mac and cheese. I know. Mother of the Year) I started preparing Tuesday nights meal.

First I started the sauce. I chopped onions. Okay- I put them in the little chopper.

I crushed garlic. I chopped basil and oregano. I cooked a beautiful sauce.

I obviously got the wrong cans of tomatoes. I purchased the puree while I think I was supposed to get whole tomatoes because the recipe says it yields 3 cups when I had 6 cups.

The reason I don't cook. I suck at it.

Second, I started the meatballs.

I chopped onions. By hand. Not the little chopper. I crushed garlic. I chopped red bell peppers. Okay- I put those in the little chopper, too.

I sauteed those three items.

I minced basil and oregano.

I soaked bread in milk.

I mixed all the ingredients together- the raw meat, the sauteed vegetables, the soaked bread, the raw egg and formed it all into the most beautiful meatballs you have ever seen.

I put the sauce and the raw meatballs in the refrigerator ready for Valentine's Day Dinner preparation.

I broke out the dessert. I washed strawberries. I dried strawberries. I hand dipped them in chocolate. I even melted some white chocolate to make them pretty.

I finished wrapping the beautiful strawberries on a plate and put them in the refrigerator.

Ah. Ready for the best, first Valentine's day ever.

TubaDad calls me not long after I had finished cleaning the kitchen and we were discussing all the great things I had accomplished in preparation for our very first Valentine's Day which, by the way, also falls on our 8 month (or 246 days) anniversary when all of a sudden he starts saying, "Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!" over and over again. I think he through in fiddle fart and I can't believe this. All of which are big tip offs that Valentine's day is ruined!

Bless his surprised heart.

You know how when you put two moments in time together and realize that you over committed yourself and you can't do both things? That's where he was.

He had training in Houston on Wednesday and Thursday which clearly were not on Valentine's Day but he had to drive down on Tuesday night to be there bright and early.

Did you just here the "Wha-wha-wha" game show loser sound?

I felt bad for him because he kept saying, Are you mad? I'm so dumb. How could I have done this? I'll make it up to you. I promise.

I was disappointed that we wouldn't be together and a little sad about that too but I wasn't mad because in the grand scheme of things- it's our first Valentine's Day and I know that I am loved because I feel his love in my heart everyday. This is just the first Valentine's Day that we will be together (or share at a distance). There will be so many more. And, I think the whole situation punctuates the fact that I am the BEST girlfriend in the whole world!

And, most importantly, it's hilarious and makes a really good blog post.

Hope your Valentine's Day was as wonderful as mine.

I cooked the dinner anyway and shared it with my boys as planned. I also got some gorgeous roses with the kindest note ever and all is well in TubaLand.

Love, Hope

So, what did you get for Christmas? Do you want to know what I got?

Can you say:

M E X I C O !

I can!

I guess all of our conversations about running away together and shirking all responsibility said something to TubaDad. We won't really run away but it could totally happen in 8 years.

Poor thing. All he got was a Buccee's t-shirt, candied jalapenos, a deck of semi-pornographic but artsy cards, a candle, and Polo pullover. 

We opened up presents on Christmas Eve night and my monsters got bikes for Christmas. If you want to know how you can fall more in love with a man- watch him help your boys with their bikes in the street at 11:00 at night on Christmas Eve. Patient and kind and helpful. There's your "Ah!" moment of the day.

In other news, we spent New Year's Eve together and it was so perfect. He and his TubaPlayer came over and ran around with my two monsters. We baked pizza, they acted like boys, they shot off party poppers and fireworks and we all toasted in 2012 together at midnight. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect night. (Well, we were short a daughter but she was having fun on her own the way it should be.)

Oh, and the man of my dreams now lives .08 of a mile away from me in a rent house. 

It's awesome.

Hello!

Two months have gone by since I've last posted.

That's exactly 61 days.

And today is Day 176 of:
Hope + TubaDad
equalling
L. O. V. E.

Can you say happy, happy girl?

I can! Happy, happy girl!

I just wanted to update and say that all is wonderful and the honeymoon phase is still going strong.

May it never, never end!

Exposing your secret baggage will set you free.

On July 19th, which was only day 36, I posed the question "What are the chances that my online dating days are over?" It was only 36 days in so it was kind of a long shot. All kinds of things could of happened and all kinds of GOOD things have happened.

On Day 110 we went to church and Pastor John talked to us about our secret baggage and how it creates anxiety in our lives. I thought of my secret baggage. Mother frencher. I could rationalize that it wasn't secret baggage all I wanted because my friends know and I've already asked for forgiveness for that secret baggage and I've forgiven myself, but the truth is if TubaDad doesn't know then it's secret baggage. Maybe it's not the steamer trunk it once was but it was now a small purse. A very heavy small purse.

I decided I need to consult with the person I know loves Jesus the most. My friend, Leah. I told here what Sundays message was and asked her what she thought. She confirmed my gut feeling and told me that I needed to tell TubaDad.

So, I might as well admit it here, too. It can only free me that much more. See, my marriage was crumbling all around me and there was tiny thread wrapped around my wrist and I was barely holding on for lots of reasons. So when a man in my office started showing me attention and giving me the emotional support I so desperately needed, I let go of the string and clung to him. In less cryptic or poetic talk- I had an affair. And I continued that affair after I was divorced. He was married, too. I'm not justifying my actions or making excuses. What I did was wrong. But it happened and I can't change it now.

What I can do is tell you that I learned a very big lesson the most difficult way possible and I never, ever want to be in that position again. It's the most self-destructive, insecure, hurtful, depressing roller coaster of a ride a person can be on. I was immature and deceitful and that's not who I want to be.

I texted TubaDad on day 113 and asked him if he would come over after the boys went to bed. He really didn't want to. The man works so hard, I don't blame him. I told him I could wait until Thursday (date night) to tell him about my secret baggage but when he found out what it was about he knew we needed to get it behind us. And, he didn't want to wonder for the next 2 days what the hell my secret baggage was all about.

I was grateful because I certainly didn't want to keep practicing what I was going to tell him and worrying about how he would respond. Without airing too much of his business, this is where it became complicated for me because his marriage ended due to an affair. Not his. Hers.

Moving on.

He came over and with him sitting on a bar stool and me standing in his arms so I don't have to look him in his eyes and I tell him.

Our body temperatures must of gone up 175 degrees. Or, maybe it was just me.

Long story short, the man is a saint.

He said he could ask me a bunch of questions but that wouldn't do either of us any good. He told me he still loved me and he wasn't going to worry about what happened out of his control before 113 days ago.

I, of course, was in tears. Not big sobbing, ugly tears but tears all the same. They were both tears of relief that he didn't get angry with me and tears of sadness for having to relive that chapter of my life again. And where does all that snot come from when you cry? Ew.

He told me not to worry. We hugged good night, we've texted and talked on the phone the last couple of days, and tonight is date night. Can someone please make time go by faster for the next 3 - 4 hours?

Here I am on day 115 and I'm going to pose the question again.
What are the chances that my online dating days are over? If I have anything to do with it, they're 100% over. Best 115 days of my life!



I was going to end it there but some of you girls need this next statement:
No, he's hasn't popped the question or anything close to that but this man is the O-N-E. The one for me.

4 Boys and 1 Girl on a Date.

I was completely outnumbered and I loved it.

And no, it wasn't some kinky date. Get your minds out of the gutter.

Last Saturday evening, TubaDad and TubaPlayer came over and took me and my two monsters to dinner and a movie. It was fun to watch.

TubaPlayer came in and hugged me and then both monsters approached and everyone shook hands at introductions. It was all very formal for 9, 10 and 13 year old boys.

We went to Fuzzy's Tacos and the line to order was long and the restaurant was crowded. The boys went off to secure us a table. TubaDad and I canoodled in line and placed our order then went to see where we were sitting on the patio. Well, I guess the boys were so caught up in getting to know each other- how old are you, what grade are you in, what sports do you play, isn't our parents kissing gross (I made that one up) - they did a horrible job at getting us a table. The got a half surf-board table that sat 3. Hello? Where are your parents suppose to sit?

Luckily, TubaDad saw an opportunity inside and ran in and procured it for us. The boys sat at one end while TubaDad and I sat across from each other at the other end. I don't remember what the boys were talking about but TubaDad was going to interject a comment but the boys were so involved in talking to each other we might as well not have been there it all. TubaDad looked at me and said, "I got shut out." It made me laugh and while it was kind of sad that they weren't paying attention to TubaDad, I thought it was great that they were getting along so well.

After dinner we drove over to a theater that was featuring Moneyball at 8:15pm but when we got there it was sold out. We drove over to another theater for a later showing. And again, mostly TubaDad and I didn't exist. They just hammed it up with each other. Jumping and swinging on tree branches, having a foot race, asking all kinds of questions, playing video games together, going to the concessions together, and so on.

 

It. Was. Greatness.

It was late when the movie ended but we all made it through. We all laughed about the ending and when we got back to my house TubaDad and TubaPlayer skedaddled out there pretty quickly. I hugged my man. Then, I hugged the TubaPlayer and the boy monster's first meeting was a success.

But I expected no less. We both have good monsters.

TubaDad told me that when the two of them got to the drop off point that TubaPlayer announced to his mom and sister- "I got to meet Hope's boys."

 

Alright! We made the Report.

I met my boyfriend's teenage children and were they brutal! Damn!

Just kidding about the title. I am happy to report that Meet the Teenager's went fine.

They weren't super talkative or inquisitive or extremely one way or the other. I wasn't either.

We all just allowed ourselves to be in the same space. And, for me, it was very nice. I hope it was fine for them, too.

TubaPlayer has the "Hey Dad" syndrome that I know as the "Hey Mom" syndrome at my house and it made me smile.

The Daughter was quiet and has TubaDad's right cheek dimples that I love so much.

One of my favorite moments was after church when we were driving over to the store when George Strait's song "Here for a Good Time" came on the radio. The two of them were singing along in the back seat and I can't explain why but it was the sweetest of moments. I could have lived that moment forever. I have been humming this song all day today.



My second favorite moments were the hugs. TubaDad's mom made The Daughter come down to hug me goodbye as she was spending the night with her grandparents. TubaPlayer gave me a hug a goodbye, too.

And even better- he gave TubaDad his approval after I left.

Day 83 - I. Am. Freaking. Out.

No, today is not day 83. Sunday is day 83. And why am I freaking out about day 83? Well, because I'm going to meet the love of my life's offspring! If they were two 10 year old boys I would totally know what to do. But they're a 14 year old girl and 13 year old boy. Yikes! Teenagers!

Deep breaths. Happy thoughts.

They're going to totally love me. I mean, what's not to love? I'm freaking cool. Even if I was a band geek. But hey! Everyone was in the band! Really! Everyone!

I digress.

Really, I'm just excited.

But nervous.

And excited.

I guess I really just want them to like me as much as my boys liked TubaDad. What's not to like about a guy who throws the football and Frisbee with you, or plays a Wii tournament with you, or wrestles in the pool with you? But I think he had it WAY easier. 10 year old kids are so much more forgiving! So easy to please! I mean all you have to do is be kind of silly and you're cool.

The current plan is that we're all going to go to church together so I won't even have to talk during that hour. Thank you, God! Then, we're going to go over to his parents house for a little Sunday afternoon gathering. So, I'll have extended family that I've already met to help buffer so I really have nothing to be nervous about. Right?

Unless I accidentally drop an F bomb. Or, if I happen to get snarky and they don't get sarcasm. Or, I word vomit all over them. Or, or, or... I accidentally burp really loud! Or pass gas!

F-Bomb!

I. Am. Freaking. Out.



PS It will be fine. I know it will. Because I'm F-bombing cool. Fo Shizzle.  Do they still say that? Maybe I should just listen.

My worlds collided and it was the best show ever. I'm so glad I had front row seats to see it!

It was day 69 and Dulce de TubaDad and I had just spent a wonderful weekend together. But that afternoon I set out for a week long painting workshop that I had signed up for in February. It was something I had been looking forward to since then. And though I was excited, I also felt a bit melancholy leaving the loves of my life.

The two reasons that I get up everyday for the past (almost) 11 years were starting back to school and I was going to miss their first week. What kind of mother misses the first week of their kids school year. This one. Mother of the Year, right here. But this painting workshop was important to me. It is important that I develop this skill for myself. So, I booked a week of vacation from my paying job, I left my two boys to start the 4th and 5th grade in the hands of their father, I kissed the man I love goodbye and set out on my journey ready to be inspired to be a better painter.

Don't get me wrong. Though I felt the twinges of guilt I was excited to be submerging myself in paint for the next 5 days.

While I was at the workshop I supplemented my love addiction with texts and phone calls and using my new love for inspirations in my art. For example, you may have read my post about the number 14. It is now a staple in my paintings.

But let's get to the worlds colliding, okay? That's why I'm really here.

On day 74, I was more than ready to see my 3 men. The boys returned home after a hot soccer practice and I thoroughly enjoyed their stories. It felt good to be home with them. I was just missing one piece of my pie. Or Cheesecake in this case. Dulce de TubaDad.

At 8pm, he was still at work and I could feel him wavering through text about coming over that evening. Not in a sense that he didn't want to meet them but I think he wanted it to be right. I couldn't think of a better time. It was getting dark. They were swimming and having a good time. No pressure to sit and converse and spill you life story. And they would be going to bed soon enough.

At about 8:30, in the dusk of a hot August Friday night, the burning flame of a man that has confiscated my heart crashed into the two lives that I gave birth to and at that moment and the ones following my world felt completely perfect.

My boys usually entertain themselves playing and there is little interaction with me beyond the occassional "Mom, watch this." But this night, they were engaged. Not with me but with  Dulce de TubaDad .
My heart swelled and my love tank overflowed spilling all over my backyard watching the three of them get to know each other.

It was a... Very. Beautiful. Thing.

Didn't you just love when iPods came out and you could put all your photos on them? I did!

This story is from the dating vault. It took place in the fall of 2008. The Internet is a wonderful thing. It connects people- complete strangers- that live far, far away or even right here in the same area as you. I had been skimming Match.com but did not want to pay the money to be a member. I read a funny, funny profile and he was able to sneak in his MySpace address.

Anyone remember MySpace?

Well, I had a MySpace profile and I emailed him through MySpace. I told him I didn't think that we were a romantic match but that I thought his profile was hilarious. We exchanged emails and one Friday he emailed me and asked me out to a Ryan Adams concert.

It was that night! I didn't have anything to do so I said yes. I was also in my work clothes without time to go home to change. I'm no dummy. I went shopping.

I walked out of the store wearing my new clothes with the nice warning from the Sales Clerk that the place I was meeting him at made very strong drinks. Be careful!

The conversation was going along fine when his ex calls. He had a little boy. He had left the little tyke with his Grandma and the ex was just getting in from a vacation with her new boyfriend and was ready to see the little angel. Ms. Ex was not happy that my date was not around to deliver said angel. There was some discussion about it at the table. Followed by an apology.

I'm pretty sure that was my first red flag.

We continue talking and it's time for us to go to the concert. We decide that he is safe enough for me to ride with and we go. On the way he decides he needs to call Ms. Ex back. We're in a car. I'm trapped here. So, in an effort to not eaves drop which is impossible I pick up his iPod and start scrolling through it.

It was a new iPod for the time- you know one with photos loaded on it. I started scrolling through the pictures. There's a picture of his little tow headed angel. Aw. And there's the little tow headed angel with his grandmother. And there's a picture of my date. Oh, why do people take pictures of themselves in the mirror. It's just so cheesy. Don't do it. Red flag number two? Hmm. Not sure. Maybe not. And there's another picture of him in the mirror, a little closer up. And then...

And then...

And then! He must have realized what I was looking at and at the same time that I change to the new picture, cry "OH!" and try to scroll off of the picture, my date bumps his car into the curb and we are jolted back into the lane. Yes, my friends. It was a close up picture of his flaccid penis hanging out of his khaki pants.

And all I could think was, "Why!"

That was definitely a red flag but what was I going to do? Tell him to take me back to my car and have to tell him why if maybe by some chance the whole curb thing was coincidence? Not see Ryan Adams perform? I just tried to put it out of my mind.

We acted like nothing happened. We got to the concert. He tried to park in a No Parking Zone (red flag) and when we walked up to the doors the security guard warned him that he would get towed. So, I went in and he moved the car.

At the intermission we took a little walk. I wasn't aware of it but it was back to his car. He pulls out a flask of whiskey and asks me if I want a swig (red flag). Uh- hello. I'm a girl. I don't take swigs of whiskey. Especially not on a first dates with guys that have naked pictures of their flaccid penis's on their iPods! I politley declined saying I wasn't much of whiskey drinker.

We went back in for the rest of Ryan's weak performance. I still love Ryan anyway. And then it was time to go. He drove me back to my car and there was a little talk about a second date but not much. He pulled up near my car but was blocking someone in when he stopped so while he tried to give me a proper good night goodbye he was rushed. And I was running like Flo-Jo to get my car and driving off like Dale Earnhardt!

I got an email the next day. He wanted to apologize for the whole whiskey in a flask thing. He should have thought that out better and brought me something that I would have liked.

I don't know, like what? A rufie?

Fourteen bottles of beer on the wall, fourteen bottles of beer.

Love drunk. That's what I am.

I have been frantically trying to remember every detail of the last 65 days. As we talked on the phone last night, Dulce de TubaDad reminded me of when we first held hands and that's when he felt that I liked him. It was on that damn second date. I wound up telling him about that and he laughed.

But, I realized I was forgetting stuff and it's only been 65 days. I don't want to forget any of it. What if I'm Ally and he's Noah and I get Alzheimer's and he has to read me the Notebook of our story everyday so I can remember? What if? Huh? Huh?

You see why I say Love drunk and not Lovesick but I guess it could be sick. Sick in the head! Anyway.

I've realized the number 14 has meaning in our life.

We had our first date on June 14th.
TubaDad was the 14th date I had been on on this merry go round ride called dating.
Day 14- the day that I realized that I really liked him and especially glad he didn't turn out to be a psychotic ax murderer when we took an evening nature walk together in the dark woodsy area near his apartment.
Valentine's Day- the day of love is on the 14th!

Okay, that doesn't really have anything to do with us but still! Just saying.

This is just silly business but I plan on staying in the honeymoon phase forever so these are the details I need to document and remember.

But, he's number 8 on my speed dial. Infinity. That was not planned when I programmed it.

That was serendipity.

Cowboy Kerry tries to lasso a philly before Colorado Steve could land in Texas

I have been so wrapped up in being in love and sharing that wonderful part of my life with you that it feels like the whole Match.com thing was a million years ago. Who were those men?

Looking back on it all I really appreciate the pace that Dulce de TubaDad took with asking me out. It was the perfect balance of communication of emails, phone calls, and text messages. Not too much. Not too little. If he had swooped in and tried to whisk me away, I would have resisted. I wanted time for each of us to earn the others affection. That's the hard part about meeting online. People, men and women, want an instant spark of chemistry and, for me at least, I need the fire to build slower.

Take for example one of my last dates from Match. I called him Cowboy Kerry.

He was from a small south Texas town. We shared that in common. He had 3 boys. I have 2. We shared that in common. When talking on the phone he explained a lot of his views on life that are not your standard beliefs. Religious, political, some past mistakes. I alleviated his concerns that those things didn't matter because I'm cool that way. I am open to other peoples beliefs and they are not any less than my own.

I think he was smitten in part that I didn't condemn him on the spot.

We decided to meet for lunch on a Thursday and I picked a spot with a beautiful outdoor patio and it was a very nice lunch. By Friday morning he had Googled me and found all of my blogs. Well, there you go. What else do you need to know about me? It's all out there. And, apparently he liked what he read.

The only problem was that Colorado Steve was flying into meet me on Friday and we all know that I completely suck at dating more than one guy at a time. (See this post if you need further clarification.) There was a possibility that I Colorado Steve wouldn't make it in until late in which case Cowboy Kerry was on standby. But, Colorado Steve did make it in and we went to dinner.

I had plans with my girlfriend for her birthday Saturday day and Saturday night I was going to go out with Colorado Steve again. I mean, he did fly into Texas just to meet me. Well, I think. Who knows how he spent his Saturday day. Anyway, I had exchanged some texts with Cowboy Kerry Saturday morning and all was pleasant. When he texted me Saturday night I didn't see it until later so I just let it go and didn't answer him. By Sunday afternoon, I had voicemail messages, texts and emails. His flame was a raging bon fire while mine wasn't even a tiny spark yet. I was still holding the match.

So there I was. I didn't hate Colorado Steve like I thought I would (or like I should have- wait. Hate is a strong word. I should have known better) and I had two polarizing personalities vying for my attention.

And, though I'm sure he was a really nice person and would have showered me with attention and while I can certainly appreciate the fact that he liked me, I had to cut Cowboy Kerry loose.

Or disappear in a puff of smoke.

Or get the hell out of Dodge.

Or run like the wind. And, I'm so glad I did because I might have missed meeting Dulce de TubaDad.

So, that is all the dating stories I have from the last ten months and the last two of those ten months with DTD have been the happiest months I can remember. Ever. And that's a long time.