This story is from the dating vault. It took place in the fall of 2008. The Internet is a wonderful thing. It connects people- complete strangers- that live far, far away or even right here in the same area as you. I had been skimming Match.com but did not want to pay the money to be a member. I read a funny, funny profile and he was able to sneak in his MySpace address.
Anyone remember MySpace?
Well, I had a MySpace profile and I emailed him through MySpace. I told him I didn't think that we were a romantic match but that I thought his profile was hilarious. We exchanged emails and one Friday he emailed me and asked me out to a Ryan Adams concert.
It was that night! I didn't have anything to do so I said yes. I was also in my work clothes without time to go home to change. I'm no dummy. I went shopping.
I walked out of the store wearing my new clothes with the nice warning from the Sales Clerk that the place I was meeting him at made very strong drinks. Be careful!
The conversation was going along fine when his ex calls. He had a little boy. He had left the little tyke with his Grandma and the ex was just getting in from a vacation with her new boyfriend and was ready to see the little angel. Ms. Ex was not happy that my date was not around to deliver said angel. There was some discussion about it at the table. Followed by an apology.
I'm pretty sure that was my first red flag.
We continue talking and it's time for us to go to the concert. We decide that he is safe enough for me to ride with and we go. On the way he decides he needs to call Ms. Ex back. We're in a car. I'm trapped here. So, in an effort to not eaves drop which is impossible I pick up his iPod and start scrolling through it.
It was a new iPod for the time- you know one with photos loaded on it. I started scrolling through the pictures. There's a picture of his little tow headed angel. Aw. And there's the little tow headed angel with his grandmother. And there's a picture of my date. Oh, why do people take pictures of themselves in the mirror. It's just so cheesy. Don't do it. Red flag number two? Hmm. Not sure. Maybe not. And there's another picture of him in the mirror, a little closer up. And then...
And then...
And then! He must have realized what I was looking at and at the same time that I change to the new picture, cry "OH!" and try to scroll off of the picture, my date bumps his car into the curb and we are jolted back into the lane. Yes, my friends. It was a close up picture of his flaccid penis hanging out of his khaki pants.
And all I could think was, "Why!"
That was definitely a red flag but what was I going to do? Tell him to take me back to my car and have to tell him why if maybe by some chance the whole curb thing was coincidence? Not see Ryan Adams perform? I just tried to put it out of my mind.
We acted like nothing happened. We got to the concert. He tried to park in a No Parking Zone (red flag) and when we walked up to the doors the security guard warned him that he would get towed. So, I went in and he moved the car.
At the intermission we took a little walk. I wasn't aware of it but it was back to his car. He pulls out a flask of whiskey and asks me if I want a swig (red flag). Uh- hello. I'm a girl. I don't take swigs of whiskey. Especially not on a first dates with guys that have naked pictures of their flaccid penis's on their iPods! I politley declined saying I wasn't much of whiskey drinker.
We went back in for the rest of Ryan's weak performance. I still love Ryan anyway. And then it was time to go. He drove me back to my car and there was a little talk about a second date but not much. He pulled up near my car but was blocking someone in when he stopped so while he tried to give me a proper good night goodbye he was rushed. And I was running like Flo-Jo to get my car and driving off like Dale Earnhardt!
I got an email the next day. He wanted to apologize for the whole whiskey in a flask thing. He should have thought that out better and brought me something that I would have liked.
I don't know, like what? A rufie?
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