I'm not sure if I've talked about this tip from dating expert Evan Marc Katz but it really rang true for me and it was actually a relief for a man to give this advice.
This only applies to ladies.
Please, stand still. Did you get that? STAND STILL!
Don't run away from a man hoping he will chase you. He might chase you. He might not. He may only enjoy the chase. Then when he finally catches you, he's done. Or, he just gets freaking tired because chasing you is really too much work.
Don't run to a man giddy with excitement smothering him with your love. I know you have a heart full of loving and adoring and damn it you're just so ready to share it.
There is plenty of time for that.
I promise. Later.
Stand still.
Let him approach you.
And when he does, be open. Be kind. Be your happy go-lucky self. Be the person you want to date. So lose the negativity and complaints. No one wants to be with Debbie Downer or Nancy Negative. Well, I don't anyway.
When first dating Tuba-dad, I didn't call him first. I didn't text him first. I didn't email him first.
Not until Day 33.
We were planning to get together that afternoon and I sent him a text at 10:39AM that said: hi. just thinking about you.
He told me later that night that he nearly fell out of his chair at work that I actually texted him first!
So just stand still. It took me 42 years to learn my life lessons and be ready to find and accept the love of my life. 42 years! So, believe me. There's plenty of time.
Stand still and be open to the good things and people that are in your life. One of them will be the love of YOUR life.
PS. The following is a contradicting statement: this doesn't mean that if you are on a dating website that you just throw up your profile and hope the love of your life finds you. Dating on websites is a job. Contact men you are interested in. You never know. You may find him but be graceful enough to let him do the rest after you get the ball rolling.
Friday, September 20, 2013
Monday, August 26, 2013
Too Much Real Estate
Are you ready for dating tip #1?
The first book I started out with was Calling in "The One": 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life by Katherine Woodward Thomas and honestly, I didn't get through the whole book but I would still recommend it. The seven sections of the book are:
Katherine writes about how we need to prepare ourselves, of course, but one of the things that I grasped on in the first section was preparing my space. Do you have space in your home for someone else? Create space for them. I started in the closet and I cleaned out about a foot of space from floor to ceiling that was dedicated to my soulmate. I cleaned out a bathroom drawer where he could put his toothbrush and other toiletries. And, then I attacked the bedroom itself.
I was sleeping in the bed that I shared with my ex-husband and to me that was some really bad mojo. I felt it important to rid anything in my bedroom that was related to my ex and to prepare the space for my soulmate. Things as simple as two nightstands, two clocks, two lamps. I was planning for when someone did come into my life. I also bought a new bed. Queen-sized down from the King-sized.
My friends teased me and said that surely I would meet my husband now because with Murphy's Law no man wants to sleep in a queen bed. My theory was this though- I'm a snuggler. A spooner. I like to have contact even when the body heats gets too hot to be right next to each other I still want a toe touching or something!
Those king sized beds have way too much real estate. I mean it's like you're on either side of the country. He's sleeping in California and I'm in Florida with the whole nation in between us! Not romantic. Beds are made for cuddling and loving and face it, some days that's where we spend the most time with each other. The Queen bed gave you room for each other but not too much room.
So, when I met my sweet husband and it came time for us to sleep in the same bed, he had a king, I announced, "Your bed is too big!" He laughed, confused. I continued, "There is way too much real estate in this bed. If I wanted to sleep alone, I could sleep do that at home. How are you going to snuggle me from way over there?" I had to take action because I could tell he wasn't going to budge on the King Size bed so, I took my half out of the middle. He can pick either side but the middle is mine!
So look at your space and where do you need to make room for your soulmate. Is it in your closet, your bathroom, your bedroom or your whole house? Pick one area to start with and gradually work your way to the whole house.
It's a simple mind shift that tells the universe that you're ready for someone special in your life.
The first book I started out with was Calling in "The One": 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life by Katherine Woodward Thomas and honestly, I didn't get through the whole book but I would still recommend it. The seven sections of the book are:
- Preparing for Love
- Completions
- Healing Core Wounds
- Setting Your Course
- First Things First
- A Life Worth Living
- Living Love Fulfilled
Katherine writes about how we need to prepare ourselves, of course, but one of the things that I grasped on in the first section was preparing my space. Do you have space in your home for someone else? Create space for them. I started in the closet and I cleaned out about a foot of space from floor to ceiling that was dedicated to my soulmate. I cleaned out a bathroom drawer where he could put his toothbrush and other toiletries. And, then I attacked the bedroom itself.
I was sleeping in the bed that I shared with my ex-husband and to me that was some really bad mojo. I felt it important to rid anything in my bedroom that was related to my ex and to prepare the space for my soulmate. Things as simple as two nightstands, two clocks, two lamps. I was planning for when someone did come into my life. I also bought a new bed. Queen-sized down from the King-sized.
My friends teased me and said that surely I would meet my husband now because with Murphy's Law no man wants to sleep in a queen bed. My theory was this though- I'm a snuggler. A spooner. I like to have contact even when the body heats gets too hot to be right next to each other I still want a toe touching or something!
Those king sized beds have way too much real estate. I mean it's like you're on either side of the country. He's sleeping in California and I'm in Florida with the whole nation in between us! Not romantic. Beds are made for cuddling and loving and face it, some days that's where we spend the most time with each other. The Queen bed gave you room for each other but not too much room.
So, when I met my sweet husband and it came time for us to sleep in the same bed, he had a king, I announced, "Your bed is too big!" He laughed, confused. I continued, "There is way too much real estate in this bed. If I wanted to sleep alone, I could sleep do that at home. How are you going to snuggle me from way over there?" I had to take action because I could tell he wasn't going to budge on the King Size bed so, I took my half out of the middle. He can pick either side but the middle is mine!
So look at your space and where do you need to make room for your soulmate. Is it in your closet, your bathroom, your bedroom or your whole house? Pick one area to start with and gradually work your way to the whole house.
It's a simple mind shift that tells the universe that you're ready for someone special in your life.
Friday, August 23, 2013
An Easy-peasy Lovefest
It's been about eight months since I've posted here and I just wanted to share with you that married life is good.
Really good. You may remember that Tuba Dad and I counted the days since we met each other and today marks 802 best days of my life.
That's not to say that it hasn't been difficult at times. It has. Mostly for me! Merging two families together and learning each others quirks and realizing we're not under dads relaxed rules is no easy task. For example, I don't want dirty teenagers eating in the living room. Or, the bedrooms. We have perfectly nice kitchen where you can do that. And, while I don't mind picking up after you every now and then, I am not your maid. Shoot! I'm not even my own maid! I hate cleaning.
There were some serious anxiety ridden days in my house earlier this year when feeling like the Queen Nag really wore me out. Or, the new slave driving position Tuba Dad took kept him long hours at work. Or, the girl employee of Tuba Dad's that really got on my nerves because I felt like she wanted Tuba Dad to value their relationship more than our relationship and whether it's true or not, that was my perception. Following me on that one? Or, when the Cheerleader (step-daughter) was lying to us about the completely inappropriate boy that she wanted to date. Oh my!
I wasn't prepared to care so much for his kids and to feel so out of control. And that's what I am- out of control. OOC! I have no control over their school activities or who they see or any of that. And, I'll admit that I was jealous of the relationship I saw developing with Tuba Dad and my two boys. Happy, but jealous. It's not easy to develop that same relationship with older kids when I only get to see them roughly 4 days out of any given month.
Anyway, Tuba Dad, has been an absolute pillar through all my craziness. Steady, calm, loving and reassuring. I'm sure he has thought "What have done?" a time or two. If it was just the two of us it would be an easy-peasy lovefest but it's six of us and though it can be chaotic and loud (why are they so loud?) and dirty and expensive (Eating out!) it's really, really good, too.
So, my 2011 Year of Love has been such a wonderful success and I'm right in the middle of it all and it's here and it's real. So, why do I feel like something is missing? Not missing in my relationship but in my purpose. It's kind of like I got everything I wanted, and now what? I feel like I'm denying some kind of purpose that I'm supposed to be fulfilling but not 100% sure what that purpose is.
And maybe part of the purpose of this post is to open this little blog back up and type out all the dating advice that worked for me to find my little lovefest of a life I'm living so that someone else might stumble on it or share it with a friend who is in dating despair.
I don't know. We'll see what happens though, okay?
Until next time, may your lovetank be overflowing.
Really good. You may remember that Tuba Dad and I counted the days since we met each other and today marks 802 best days of my life.
That's not to say that it hasn't been difficult at times. It has. Mostly for me! Merging two families together and learning each others quirks and realizing we're not under dads relaxed rules is no easy task. For example, I don't want dirty teenagers eating in the living room. Or, the bedrooms. We have perfectly nice kitchen where you can do that. And, while I don't mind picking up after you every now and then, I am not your maid. Shoot! I'm not even my own maid! I hate cleaning.
There were some serious anxiety ridden days in my house earlier this year when feeling like the Queen Nag really wore me out. Or, the new slave driving position Tuba Dad took kept him long hours at work. Or, the girl employee of Tuba Dad's that really got on my nerves because I felt like she wanted Tuba Dad to value their relationship more than our relationship and whether it's true or not, that was my perception. Following me on that one? Or, when the Cheerleader (step-daughter) was lying to us about the completely inappropriate boy that she wanted to date. Oh my!
I wasn't prepared to care so much for his kids and to feel so out of control. And that's what I am- out of control. OOC! I have no control over their school activities or who they see or any of that. And, I'll admit that I was jealous of the relationship I saw developing with Tuba Dad and my two boys. Happy, but jealous. It's not easy to develop that same relationship with older kids when I only get to see them roughly 4 days out of any given month.
Anyway, Tuba Dad, has been an absolute pillar through all my craziness. Steady, calm, loving and reassuring. I'm sure he has thought "What have done?" a time or two. If it was just the two of us it would be an easy-peasy lovefest but it's six of us and though it can be chaotic and loud (why are they so loud?) and dirty and expensive (Eating out!) it's really, really good, too.
So, my 2011 Year of Love has been such a wonderful success and I'm right in the middle of it all and it's here and it's real. So, why do I feel like something is missing? Not missing in my relationship but in my purpose. It's kind of like I got everything I wanted, and now what? I feel like I'm denying some kind of purpose that I'm supposed to be fulfilling but not 100% sure what that purpose is.
And maybe part of the purpose of this post is to open this little blog back up and type out all the dating advice that worked for me to find my little lovefest of a life I'm living so that someone else might stumble on it or share it with a friend who is in dating despair.
I don't know. We'll see what happens though, okay?
Until next time, may your lovetank be overflowing.
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